New Years Resolution

I’m at a new years eve party. It’s boring, so I thought I’d go ahead and write to all my fellow redditors out there. 

Along with the copious amount of alcohol consumption, it seems like everyone here keeps talking about new years resolutions. Everyone has them.

My buddy Paul wants to stop drinking. He says this just before he shoots tequila.

Brittany wants to sleep with less people. I just watched her go up stairs with some other lucky partygoer.

Adam wants to spend money less frivolously. He bought all the booze for this shindig and just left to get more.

Tyanna wants to lose weight. I just watched her finish the last of 7 slices of pizza.

I have a resolution as well, but just like everyone else, I’m not sure it’s going to last very long. I want to stop killing people.

I say this as I hide under Sarah’s car, waiting for her to step outside so I can slip my knife through her ankle. It’s still 2017, right?

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